It is nearly 10:00pm. I am hiding out in my den, my personal kid free space where I can do as I please. Oh, wait a minute, I'm really in my bedroom which is just as cluttered as the rest of the house, complete with junk mail advertisements ripped and strewn out all over the floor and kids who supposedly have been put to bed popping their heads in and out of the doorway.
Yes, my only true escape from the messy reality of eight people in a 1600 square foot home is a mental one. Solitude is a rare treat. The two year old twins have decided they need to follow me into the bathroom again. Unusual? Not for two year olds. Enjoyable? Anyone else have a tiny potty room that is separated from the rest of the bathroom? Ever tried squeezing three people in there with the door closed (yes, it has to be closed even if all three people who are at home are in there) and then trying to do your business with two little people pressed against your knees, with TP in hand ready to drop it in the moment you get up? Probably too much information, but it is still my reality.
And so at the end of the day I search for a tiny bit of peace, a place of solitude where I can meditate without the distraction of children's voices, laundry, dirty dishes, or Legos strewn throughout the house. Somewhere I can gather my thoughts, regroup and reaffirm to myself that under all the chaos life is still good. Will I ever find that place? Like I said, only in my mind. Or should I say in my dreams?
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5 comments:
1600 sqft for EIGHT people?! We have 1600 sqft for five and I know how cramped we feel. It's a great motivator to get rid of a lot of stuff and de-clutter as much as possible.
But, here's the thing. My mother was the youngest of 9, she grew up during the Depression and lived in an apartment (above a store) in Boston. All 11 of them, in a 3-bedroom, 1-bathroom apartment. Mom slept in a crib until she was 7. Despite the *close quarters* - I've NEVER seen a family with stronger bonds than my mom's.
I like to think that the living arrangement had a lot to do with that!!!
I can never go to the bathroom alone either. Maybe Jen's right, you guys will be such a close knit family.
I completely understand about the bathroom. Even the shower is no longer sacred. It's frustrating when there is space to move around (like in our kitchen) and yet I still have children standing on my feet, just to be near me. I do insist, every now and again, that I get a little bit of time alone. Even if it is grocery shopping, it still is time for that mental and physical solitude that we all need a little of.
I am so tired of little fingers under the door. Somehow my 18 month old knows when I've gone upstairs and she stands at the gate at the bottom and yells, "mamamamama" until I come down. It's sad when I consider my grocery shopping trip to Walmart my sanctuary.
I don't even bother to shut the bathroom door at my house...
;)
--snow
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