I Dressed Myself

I have always felt that little kids need to be able to make choices. It is important for them to gain confidence in their ability to pick one thing over another and have the results be positive. Sometimes the choices have to be narrowed down for them, like "Do you want peanut butter or grilled cheese sandwich for lunch today?" or "Do you want to play with your dolls or your tea set?" or "Do you want to play nicely with your brother or do you want to play alone?"

There is one area, however, that I have pretty much given my kids free reign, though not necessarily on purpose. My kids are allowed to choose their own outfits. There are many days I wish my children would wear clothing combinations that didn't make people wonder if my whole family is color blind. There are days I wish they would wear their socks folded or scrunched nicely as they were meant to be instead of rolled down like doughnuts around their ankles. There are days I wish their shoes would go sensibly with the outfit they have chosen, and that their shirts weren't on backward.

I don't think I started just letting them wear whatever they want on purpose. When they are little and they come out dressed by themselves, proud at their accomplishments it is hard to say, "Well that's great honey, but your outfit is all wrong." I just can't do it. So we started going to the grocery store and library with mismatched clothing, with shorts and rain boots on, or some item of clothing inside out. Then there came the days when I had more kids and I just didn't have time to give subtle commentary as they chose their outfits each the morning. If they were dressed before noon, and I didn't have to struggle with them to get them clothed, I considered it good.

So now I am stuck in the habit. The truth is, except for the initial, "Oh, that's an interesting outfit she/he chose today," I don't really notice what they are wearing anymore. Until we go out in public. Like here: I totally forgot that Tab was wearing this darling getup (the purple shirt even had little flowers on it to contrast with the hearts on her pants) until we were down at the park at a church party. That's when I start to wonder what people are thinking. Do they understand? They must realize that I didn't dress them. Do they think: How could she let her kids out of the house like that?

I mentioned this worry to a good friend of mine and she said, "Don't worry about it. If their hair is combed and they are clean people know they are well cared for. No one will mistake them for orphan children." And I think she is right. It's just another one of those times when I have to have confidence that what I am doing is right for my children, even if some people wouldn't let their kids be caught dead in some of the getups my kids choose.

The good news is that as my older kids have grown they have began to make better "matching" choices with their outfits, and occasionally even ask for my opinion. My hope, and a small one it may be, is that if they fell free to wear whatever they want from the beginning my boys won't feel a need to wear styles that reflect a lack of, um, self respect(?) and my daughters won't be sneaking out the door in crazy, make-your-mom-faint-and-your-dad-blush outfits when they are teenagers. Then again, it may just backfire.